CITIZEN JOURNALISM: SIAPA SAJA, MENULIS APA SAJA
The Law of Attraction
Yunisa - Singapore
Man and Woman -- Can they be friends?
(By: Yunisa – Singapore)
I know this topic is a never ending hot debate. If KoKiers remember an article written by Harry Lukman long time ago about his ex female housemate, I would include that as part of my so-called analysis. Yes, man and woman can be friends, without any sexual things going on.
Most of the time, the woman holds more control in defining their friendship, but when the woman loses her sense of control, the man should hold on, i.e. be in charge, don't take advantage of her. Quoting HL, boyfriends come and go, a bestfriend stays forever.
I have my own reasons why I conclude that most of the time, the woman has more control over the male-female friendship.
What caught a man in the first place to a woman is her physical attractiveness. No matter how much she weighs, a woman can be very attractive. In KoKi, I can say that Ria W is one of them. Personally, I know several women who are beyond "the ideal" weights, but I find them very attractive. Sometimes it is because they have a pretty face, a bright smile, a pair of dazzling peepers or the way they carry themselves: friendly, bubbly, cheery, pleasant to be around with.
On the other hand, the reason why a woman befriends a man is hard to define. Sometimes she just wants to get the things done easier (oops, this is me being manipulative). Sometimes because she feels that she can learn a lot, talk a lot about the stuff that other female friends won't be interested in (e.g. cars, gadgets, computers, technology process, games, etc.), sometimes she feels that the male friend offers a completely different perspective from people around her, and this makes her ponder how could she have missed that point of view? Or she just likes the convenience of having a gentleman carrying her bags! (female chauvinist pigs haha, kidding).
But it doesn't hurt at all to have male friends who behave like an English gentleman in the past: opening doors, chairs, help you carry your luggage. When we say thank you to them, they feel good because they can help, and we feel good because of their royal treatment. It's a win-win ;)
Is physical attractiveness of a man important for a woman to befriend with? I can't answer, but in my personal life, it is not a prerequisite, although a good hygiene is very important. (I can't stand a bad odoured man). Although I think there is a universal unwritten rule that both "attractive" man and woman are magnets for friends. But again, the first impression is not everything for a friendship to build. The second, third, fourth will determine whether the friendship will sustain or wither. This is valid for both sexes.
FRIENDSHIP IS NOT BASED ON THE FIRST IMPRESSION
Almost all of my friendships are never based on the first impression I have on them or vice versa. Especially for the case of mass introduction, i.e. being introduced to several people at the same time, most of us barely could remember a new acquaintance's name.
The following scenario works in building the friendship.
The second meeting, either one or both of us recognized each other's face from the mass introduction.
Me / Him: "Hey, I think we've met before!" (mentioning the time or venue of the first meeting)
Me/ Him: "Yeah, but I can't remember your name!" *blushing*
Me / Him: (offering handshake) "I'm Yunisa / ..."
And we exchanged contacts and becomes good friends.
Or the case when I was having a bad hair day on the first meeting, so I didn't leave a good impression (yeah, again, I was judged by my appearance). Plus the fact that the other party, again, couldn't match the face and the name, so the next, next meeting will start the friendship.
A woman by default should know her male friend's limit. Ladies, don't make physical touch if you know it will turn him on. She should communicate clearly if she feels that her male friend has intruded her space. A good man will respect that. A woman should never lead a man on, thinking that there is a slight chance for him to be sexually involved. The key is a good communication. Both parties have to reach MoU.
The question is why on earth a man wants to be friends with a woman without any sexual favour, especially if the woman is single and has the whole package? Well, the answer I have is: Respect. A good man respects his mother, his sister, and his female friends, including the type that he wants to marry but she does not want him to be more than just friends.
The other theory I have is perhaps the so-called chemistry is not there for both (or for one of the parties), hence they decide to be friends and not more.
FRIENDS WITH MARRIED PEOPLE
I could not elaborate a married woman and her male friends as I have no experience and have not observed any cases on that. But I am good friends with several married men and absolutely pose no danger to their marriages.
Why? Those men are good people, they love their wives and I aspire to have such a committed marriage (e.g. in KoKi, we have Ki Ageng-Nyi Ageng, JC n Mrs JC, Djoko Paisan n his wife,...). If I have a chance to meet the other half, of course the husband (who is my friend) will introduce me to his wife.
Secondly, I have a clear conscience of what is right and what is wrong. I will never ever be the third party to any relationship (remember, it's a sin, there is karma). And if I see the man is obsessed with me, I will cut the friendship. Yes, I am strict. I won't be friends with such a despicable man. I behave myself and I have the same expected behaviours to all of my friends, regardless their gender.
If I were married, I know I will keep my friendships regardless their marital status, their gender, their age, as long as the MoU is not broken. I believe God will give me a husband who will support my friendships. Remember, not every man is like Harry Lukman, and not every woman is like me. But when you find a man who shares Harry Lukman's stand or a woman with my stand in male-female friendship, you find a friend for life.
ILUSTRASI FOTO-FOTO DOK REDAKSI
MODERATOR - Penggagas KoKi : ZEVERINA
Pembaca "KOLOM KITA" (KoKi) entah di Bontang, Inggris, Bali, Belanda, New Jersey, Kuwait, Australia, atau di Kediri, silakan berbagi peristiwa seputar kehidupan sehari-hari. Kirimkan artikel dan foto melalui form "Kirim Artikel", jika mengalami kesulitan kirimkan melalui email: firstname.lastname@example.org ; email@example.com